In Case You Were Interested 2

I have had a lot to say lately, I just haven't had the time to say it. Going back and writing all the stuff that I previously had to say is very daunting, so you will just have to settle for new stuff.

I have been hyper-observant all day. That may not be the correct term because it is not like I have been noticing tons of things that I wouldn't notice when I wasn't being hyper-whatever-the correct-term-would-be-if-observant-isn't-the-correct-word; it's more like the things noticed have meaning, or more meaning depending on what they were.

It didn't start when I saw the girl microwaving bacon this morning. It didn't start there, but I think that is what primed me for it. I went into the break room to fill my mug up with hot water and saw one of my co-workers microwaving bacon on what I think was a single layer of paper towel. The grease was exploding and causing an obnoxious ruckus. She opened the microwave and muttered something. This something, I believe, was supposed to communicate to me that she was confused as to why everything was so loud (her thinking I didn't know what she was cooking), but really conveyed to me that she was embarrassed that I had walked in on her boisterous disgusting act and was feigning confusion as an excuse to stop the microwave and wait until I had left to continue permanently ruining the microwave (I had pizza rolls today cooked in that microwave—no bueno). She didn't have a plate; she took the greasy crap to her desk to eat in paper towels (where she found the paper towels I have no idea; they somehow elude me), and I can only imagine what her desk looked like when she picked them up to throw away. You know when Willow hit the troll with the wand and it starts to turn into the two headed dragon? Of course you do, but in case you need to be reminded here it is. Her mass of nuked pig looked kind of like that. I told whomever was online what I had witnessed, and my mind was prepped for noticing other things throughout the day.

Before we move on can we take a look at this clip from Willow? It is so freaking awesome.

How awesome is:
The music, especially during "Can you ride? Let's ride!" part?
The catapult part?
Madmartigan and his troll kick?

I love:
Madmartigan's face when he turns around and sees the dragon for the first time.
How everything the skull faced guy says throughout the entire move is shouted. "Destroy the Beast! Find the Baby!"
When Madmartigan realizes he is standing with the bad guys

Why:
Does the dragon's head explode?
Do trolls sound like steam whistles?
Is there a talking goat? What!? You need to watch Willow! Now! You think I'm joking?!

Great Lines:

"Go in the direction the bird is flying!"
"He's going back to village!"
"Ignore the bird. Follow the river."

Madmartigan: "I love you, Sorsha?" I don't love her. She kicked me in the face.

Favorite line when I was little:

"We stole the baby from you, Daikini, while you were taking a pee-pee!"

Moving on: It started when I realized I didn't have a pen for class. Me. Not having a pen. I have no excuses. I don't know what happened. I am a wonder when it comes to writing instruments. It is not uncommon for me to lose a pen a day for seven days in a row, and have been known to lose upwards of three in an 8 hour period. Where they go and what they have going with the paper towels is a bloody mystery. I usually just buy a couple large packs of Bics and pour them into my backpack. Unfortunately, my backpack, along with my spare pens, had been stolen (part of the old stuff) and so I had no pen stash to fall back on.

I eyed the floor as I walked to class hoping to capitalize on someone's loss. Unfortunately again for me, nobody had lost and I walked into class naked. . .no, the reason I did not have a pen was not because I wasn't wearing pants. I had pants on, I mean I felt naked because I always have a pen in the left pocket of my current waistwear. So, I walked into class feeling as though I was naked still searching the aisles of the stadium seating. I took my usual seat, third row, left aisle, and looked at the floor around me—no pen, but I did find a torn piece of blue paper, a AA battery and a Junior Mint. That is when I started thinking of story ideas about finding things you aren't looking for and thought of a line and went to write it down in my notebook I keep in my left rear pocket and reached for a pen. . .Seriously? Did I just look in my pocket for a pen. Yes, I did. I sat back hoping I would remember the line (which I have forgot) reached in my bag and pulled out Carver and began to read the story "What do you do in San Franciso?" After I read the line "That was Saturday, as I said, the day before Memorial Day," I realized I must pee.

I stood up and left while taking advantage of my trip to the men's room scouring the floor for pens. With the rush of writing ideas, and with the few pages I read of Carver, my mind was attaching stories to almost everything I saw. A seated woman dropped a paper right in front me and I picked it up and handed it to her in stride and wondered what I would have done if she had dropped a pen, and then thought about saying, "Hey, since I did you this favor you should lend me a pen."

I walked into the bathroom and saw a kid spiking his very long black hair straight up, and as I settled into my chosen urinal I noticed the kid next to me was texting with his left hand. Couldn't wait 20 seconds, huh? Have to text mid-stream? What if he dropped it in the urinal? That would be awesome, that's what.

As I walked back I coveted a pen that someone had laid down while he was reading. Could I get it? I walked by two offices hoping to notice someone away from their desk. No luck. In the second office, Student Government, I saw a pen cup FULL of sprouting eager pens. Look at them in there with their orgy of pens and happy-go-lucky attitudes. I thought I could just go in there and start writing in my book vigorously and then pretend to put the pen back and walk out with it; a plan that was sure to work except I kept walking while thinking about it and ended up back in third row, left aisle penless.

I lucked out, though. The only thing during class that came close to really needing to be written down was a thought that I should title a previously written story "Aubade x4," but then decided that it was astonishingly awful and decided against it. Of course, what needed to be forgotten is now recollected.

In Case You Were Interested 1

I see the Unicycle Kid every Tuesday after class. The Unicycle Kid bothers me.

Other than feet there are two main modes of transportation on campus: the bike and the skateboard. Why would the UK choose the unicycle to get around campus? The answer, of course, is to show everyone that he can ride a unicycle. There really is no other practical reason. It’s definitely not as convenient as the two wheeled version, especially since the campus is set on a slope, there are no handle bars for weaving through pedestrians, no brakes, no gears. And if you are going for image, the image is uber-dorkiness, which last time I checked is not something to be desired. What does someone who rides a unicycle during the week do on the weekends?

First Problem—If there really was something to check, and it wasn’t just a saying, I’m sure I would want it burned immediately because I would think that if someone did do something that didn’t check out on that list, I would say that is all the more reason to do whatever they were doing. But what the UK is teaching me is that I would say that as long as I agreed with what that person was doing. If I didn’t agree, I would use said list to prove my point. I don’t want to be that person. I think people should do what they like, but he shows me that I have exceptions, and that ticks me off.

There are right and wrong reasons to do certain things. Right reasons to ride a skateboard around campus: it’s fun, relaxing between classes, helps you feel more confident. Being that there are so many skateboarders on campus they are all kind of lumped in together, and unless you know one specifically it would be hard to tell why they ride around campus on a skateboard. There is no way to tell, so they get the benefit of the doubt and don’t get scrutinized. However, since the UK is not part of some mainstream grouping he pisses me off. What? Now that one really doesn’t sound like me.

Ever since my little stint in eighth grade where I tried to be a cool kid (which may be a topic for another time) I have, for a large part, believed that the majority is usually wrong. “But that’s un-American,” someone says. Is it? When Good Luck Chuck comes out in the theaters and makes four billion dollars, I know I shouldn’t see it. (How many What Happens in Vegas’s need to be released before people stop going to see them?! You know why there is hardly ever anything good in the theater? It is because we don’t support good movies. Movie makers don’t have to try any more because they make millions of dollars remaking the same BS over and over again as long as they put Jessica Alba and Matthew McConaughey in it. And because of our continual support of this kind of entertainment we are slowly retarding ourselves. Soon the only movies coming out will be an infinite amount of films entitled “Ow, my balls!"* where people just get hit in the nuts over and over again while bare-chested girls jump up and down and celebrate. Yes, I chuckled when I saw that Japanese game show where the contestants have to say a tongue twister and if they mess up they get whacked in the balls, but the reason that is funny is because it shows a complete lack of standards. I have heard very stupid people say that that is what's wrong with America; we don’t have game shows where people get wiener smacked for answering a question wrong. No, you idiot, that is what is right with America. There are still standards. Those game shows are cautionary tales, not something to strive for. But it seems that these standards are starting to slip away. For example, we now have Hole in the Wall, an asinine game show we imported to this country because we are all getting dumber. If all we support is crap, all we will be left with in the end is crap because people will know they can get rich by making crap. Stop it! While I’m here, do you think Ashton Kutcher or Brad Pitt would be where they are today if they looked like Paul Giamatti or Philip Seymour Hoffman? Do we really believe that Jessica Alba is in every single movie since 2003 because she is a good actress? Come on, people. Let’s do better, huh? (I apologize for this extra long parenthetical rant. Moving on)). Whenever I drive by a book store where six-hundred people are standing in the streets dressed as draculas waiting for a midnight copy of Stephanie Meyer, I know I shouldn’t read it (I am assuming you can imagine a similar rant here). The point is (as I am sure you have forgotten) is that when it comes to certain things the majority is almost always wrong. The cool kids may be a small elite group, but the majority accepts the fact that they are the cool kids. ANYWAY, ever since my little stint in eighth grade where I tried to be a cool kid (which may be a topic for another time) I have, for a large. . .dangit! Let’s see. . oh yeah, why am I looking down on the UK for not being part of an accepted group and because I can single him out? How come he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt?

Riding a unicycle around the university campus just screams, “Look at me!” which we all know is annoying. I guess you could argue that a blog, Facebook, Myspace etc. are all performing the same type of function. I hope a large part of my blog is “read and share with me,” but just about everyone who has a blog would have to admit the majority of it is still “look at me and care about what I have to say.” How much of what we do is so people will look at us? My guess would be somewhere around the area of a lot, and is having people notice you and care about what you do or say a bad thing really? I can’t say that I care about the UK, but I did have to write a post about him and can any human really judge anyone for wanting to be noticed?

See, I don’t want to think these thoughts; I just want to be annoyed that some kid rides around campus on a unicycle, but he has somehow made that very difficult. I hate crossing paths with this unitard because seeing him makes me look at myself, and I don’t like having to do that once a week. You smug one-wheeled tart.

*Watch Idiocracy

P.S. The UK reminds me of the Tight Rope Kid. While living in the Marriot Library at SUU I would observe the TRK as he practiced walking a tight rope between two trees. I just have a hard time understanding spending that much time working on an activity where even if you became the best in the world you would still just be a carnie.

In Case You Were Interested

The last few times I have tried to post something on here it turns into a super long random rant. I try to keep posts on here pretty short, and when I write things that just keep on going and going I never put them on here. I thought that if I just made a segment where stuff like that happened I could give it its own title and then people would know if they want to spend the time reading the long randomness or not.

And so, for your reading pleasure (maybe) I introduce In Case You Were Interested.