I see the Unicycle Kid every Tuesday after class. The Unicycle Kid bothers me.
Other than feet there are two main modes of transportation on campus: the bike and the skateboard. Why would the UK choose the unicycle to get around campus? The answer, of course, is to show everyone that he can ride a unicycle. There really is no other practical reason. It’s definitely not as convenient as the two wheeled version, especially since the campus is set on a slope, there are no handle bars for weaving through pedestrians, no brakes, no gears. And if you are going for image, the image is uber-dorkiness, which last time I checked is not something to be desired. What does someone who rides a unicycle during the week do on the weekends?
First Problem—If there really was something to check, and it wasn’t just a saying, I’m sure I would want it burned immediately because I would think that if someone did do something that didn’t check out on that list, I would say that is all the more reason to do whatever they were doing. But what the UK is teaching me is that I would say that as long as I agreed with what that person was doing. If I didn’t agree, I would use said list to prove my point. I don’t want to be that person. I think people should do what they like, but he shows me that I have exceptions, and that ticks me off.
There are right and wrong reasons to do certain things. Right reasons to ride a skateboard around campus: it’s fun, relaxing between classes, helps you feel more confident. Being that there are so many skateboarders on campus they are all kind of lumped in together, and unless you know one specifically it would be hard to tell why they ride around campus on a skateboard. There is no way to tell, so they get the benefit of the doubt and don’t get scrutinized. However, since the UK is not part of some mainstream grouping he pisses me off. What? Now that one really doesn’t sound like me.
Ever since my little stint in eighth grade where I tried to be a cool kid (which may be a topic for another time) I have, for a large part, believed that the majority is usually wrong. “But that’s un-American,” someone says. Is it? When Good Luck Chuck comes out in the theaters and makes four billion dollars, I know I shouldn’t see it. (How many What Happens in Vegas’s need to be released before people stop going to see them?! You know why there is hardly ever anything good in the theater? It is because we don’t support good movies. Movie makers don’t have to try any more because they make millions of dollars remaking the same BS over and over again as long as they put Jessica Alba and Matthew McConaughey in it. And because of our continual support of this kind of entertainment we are slowly retarding ourselves. Soon the only movies coming out will be an infinite amount of films entitled “Ow, my balls!"* where people just get hit in the nuts over and over again while bare-chested girls jump up and down and celebrate. Yes, I chuckled when I saw that Japanese game show where the contestants have to say a tongue twister and if they mess up they get whacked in the balls, but the reason that is funny is because it shows a complete lack of standards. I have heard very stupid people say that that is what's wrong with America; we don’t have game shows where people get wiener smacked for answering a question wrong. No, you idiot, that is what is right with America. There are still standards. Those game shows are cautionary tales, not something to strive for. But it seems that these standards are starting to slip away. For example, we now have Hole in the Wall, an asinine game show we imported to this country because we are all getting dumber. If all we support is crap, all we will be left with in the end is crap because people will know they can get rich by making crap. Stop it! While I’m here, do you think Ashton Kutcher or Brad Pitt would be where they are today if they looked like Paul Giamatti or Philip Seymour Hoffman? Do we really believe that Jessica Alba is in every single movie since 2003 because she is a good actress? Come on, people. Let’s do better, huh? (I apologize for this extra long parenthetical rant. Moving on)). Whenever I drive by a book store where six-hundred people are standing in the streets dressed as draculas waiting for a midnight copy of Stephanie Meyer, I know I shouldn’t read it (I am assuming you can imagine a similar rant here). The point is (as I am sure you have forgotten) is that when it comes to certain things the majority is almost always wrong. The cool kids may be a small elite group, but the majority accepts the fact that they are the cool kids. ANYWAY, ever since my little stint in eighth grade where I tried to be a cool kid (which may be a topic for another time) I have, for a large. . .dangit! Let’s see. . oh yeah, why am I looking down on the UK for not being part of an accepted group and because I can single him out? How come he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt?
Riding a unicycle around the university campus just screams, “Look at me!” which we all know is annoying. I guess you could argue that a blog, Facebook, Myspace etc. are all performing the same type of function. I hope a large part of my blog is “read and share with me,” but just about everyone who has a blog would have to admit the majority of it is still “look at me and care about what I have to say.” How much of what we do is so people will look at us? My guess would be somewhere around the area of a lot, and is having people notice you and care about what you do or say a bad thing really? I can’t say that I care about the UK, but I did have to write a post about him and can any human really judge anyone for wanting to be noticed?
See, I don’t want to think these thoughts; I just want to be annoyed that some kid rides around campus on a unicycle, but he has somehow made that very difficult. I hate crossing paths with this unitard because seeing him makes me look at myself, and I don’t like having to do that once a week. You smug one-wheeled tart.
*Watch Idiocracy
P.S. The UK reminds me of the Tight Rope Kid. While living in the Marriot Library at SUU I would observe the TRK as he practiced walking a tight rope between two trees. I just have a hard time understanding spending that much time working on an activity where even if you became the best in the world you would still just be a carnie.
