Of Mirrors, Phones, and Hobos

Last night was the Bouncing Souls concert. As always, it was a blast. The night also provided a few additional entertaining moments.

I witnessed one of the dumbest things I have ever seen with my own two eyes last night. I showed up about halfway through the last opening act's set. At Club Sound you walk in the door into a little hallway for eight or so feet and then you reach the floor. Ten feet to the left is a wall that is all mirrors. I went and sat in the corner about 3 feet away from the mirror wall until the band finished. While I was sitting there a guy walked passed me and smacked right into the mirror not realizing it was mirror thinking it was an extension of the building. How awesome is that? He quickly turned around and walked away feeling like a total tool, I'm sure.

While trying not to laugh directly at him a few thoughts went through my head:

Was he just playing chicken with the other guy that was walking right at him?

That must be really weird to smack right into an invisible wall. The split second after must be so bloody confusing.

That had to hurt. I mean when running into something totally unprepared your nose would be the first thing to hit, right? That can't feel good.

I wonder if he will ever tell anyone he knows about that, ever.

That was really funny.

During the concert I felt something under my feet. I stepped on it a few times testing out what it could be because it didn't feel like a cup or a water bottle or something that usually gets trampled. I hip checked the people around me to make room for me to kneel down and get and I found a phone. I held it up shouting, "Whose phone is this?" Nobody claimed it. A kid behind me said, "Hey, free phone." Then a girl next to me said, "Let me see." I handed it to her and she said she'd take it, to which I responded, "I'll take it," and put it in my pocket.

I looked at it when I got outside and it had a text from a kid named Jesse saying, "Will I c u 2 night." 2 night. I hate that.

I text him back saying I didn't know whose phone this was but to have somebody who was at the concert call me. He didn't get it, so I called him. He was still expecting to hear a girl voice on the phone.

"Hey, I don't know whose phone this is. I found it on the ground and am trying to find whose it is."

"A little Asian girl named (I don't remember)."

"Was anyone with her that could call me and get the phone?"

"Hold on."

"Okay."

"I'll just call you back."

I walked to my truck and started listening to how the Jazz lost until she called me, but knowing that it was really a good thing because that means we will play the Rockets instead of the Spurs in round one.

"Hello?"

"You have my phone."

"I do have your phone. Where are you?"

"I am actually not there anymore. I am at 750 south and 7th east."

"750 south 7th east. Okay."

"You are willing to drop it off here?"

"Yeah, unless you want to come back, but I don't feel like just sitting here." That actually sounded rude when I said it, but I didn't mean it to be.

"Okay, thanks so much."

I was parked at a forty-five degree angle and had a huge yellow Ford truck to my right so I couldn't see anything from oncoming traffic, and I was parked on a steep incline so when I let go of the brake with the clutch in I went rolling forward where there was a pretty gnarly gutter. I put my truck in reverse, let go of the clutch and moved back quickly so I didn't roll forward too far. I didn't go all the way because I couldn't see oncoming traffic obviously, but I was off the incline. It is lucky I didn't pull all the way into the lane because if I did I would've ran over a hobo. After I stopped I saw this white flash in my rear view and I looked back and saw a guy with long gray hair and a long gray beard with a white puffy coat on holding a teal colored sleeping bag. The first thought that flashed through my head at 100 m.p.h was the deleted scene from Hot Rod,"Sully ran over a hobo once. So I guess that makes him a stuntman, too." Then thought about how horrible it would feel to back over someone. My window was already rolled down and I said, "Hey."

"I am trying to get some money to buy some cigarettes. That guy over there gave me a couple," and I noticed the two cigarettes he was holding. Now, I am of the belief that if the person is lying to you, and you know he or she is just going to buy cigarettes and booze with it, it still really isn't your place to say if they are lying or not, and it shouldn't be the reason you don't give them anything. They do get bonus points for being honest, though.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"Yeah."

"Here's a couple bucks."

"Thanks. God bless. Be safe."

"You too."

A few minutes later I arrived at 750 south 7th east and the Jesse kid came out first.

"Good. I was thinking maybe I got the numbers mixed up. That would've sucked." Then the little Asian girl in a Good Riddance t-shirt came out.

"It's a little jacked up from getting trampled on," I said.

"As long as it works!"

"True. Alright, have a good night, everyone." Then I think she went to hug me but I'm not sure, either way my body froze up and I took a step back, then realized I probably looked ridiculous so I just stood there for a few more seconds to make it look like I wasn't in a super rush to leave which made for a really awkward few seconds. I was about to say, "Big gulps, huh?" but was interrupted, fortunately.

"Thanks again."

"Okay. Good times." Then I finally turned around and got back in my truck.

A: Why do I call everyone 'everyone?' Even if it is just one or two people? It may stem from the Chilean days and asking people in Spanish 'How are we?' even if it was one person and answering 'We're good,' even if it was just me. That's the only thing I think of.


B: I say 'good times' way too often.