Time for another one of those 'What did/does/will it all mean' kind of posts.

I got a lot stuff running through my head. They seem to be all tied together somehow in there, but not really organized, so I am just going to write them down and hopefully you will see how they are all connected.

I am back "home" (in this instance home refers to where I currently reside) after having gone home home for Thanksgiving. I am grateful for Theraflu.

And as it happens everytime I come back to school after being home I get blue (I think it is actually more of a grayish color with black speckles in it). I can think of a few reasons I get this way. One would be I have to go to school tomorrow. Middle finger to that. Moving on.

Sometimes I wonder why I moved down here. Most people leave to go to school to get away from home. I haven't really lived with my parents since I was nineteen, but I was still home; in Salt Lake. People leave home for different reasons: they don't like it there, to get away from their parents, to experience different people. If you live in Utah you might want to go somewhere where they have real beer and more boobie bars, and if you are LDS in Utah you might want to experience the church outside of the state.

All that is good and fine, but none of them apply to me. I have never had a desire to leave home. I love my family and my friends and my ski resorts and my desert and my sand dunes and my canyons and my church and my restaraunts and my area code and my theaters and my streets and my mountains and my valley and my venues and my music stores and my sky and my winter and my fall. I love home. So why did I leave? Granted I didn't go too far away, just over 3 hours south, but when I go back and see my family and my friends and my stuff I sometimes wonder why I left them. And the real disheartening thing is when I come back to Cedar and it feels more like home than Salt Lake does.

In the last week of October we got quite a bit of snow one night. I had no idea it had snowed until I walked out my front door. Those who know me can picture the smile I had on my face when I saw this. I love the snow, and while I knew it would be gone in a couple of days I thought it might mean that winter might come a bit earlier than usual. Ever since that day when I wake up in the morning and I can tell it is over cast outside I crack open my blinds to see if it snowed, and have been disappointed every time when I see the dead stale ground outside.

I was told by many people that we were supposed to get snow over the weekend in SLC. I waited and waited and no snow came. I really was bummed out. I knew this girl named Summer once, and on days where she couldn't see the sun she got depressed. I mean, you really didn't want to be around her on an overcast day. Now I don't get depressed on sunny days, but my mood does improve by 50% on rainy days and a good 80-90% when it is snowing. I think because the world tones down a notch. It shrinks a little. Becomes more manageable.

I haven't been to Brianhead, but I hear good things. I am looking forward to going boarding this season although I will be going alone. That doesn't bother me at all. I have my ski crew back home and if I can't go with them I would rather go alone. I have had quite a few conversations with people here at school where the phrase, "We should go (snowboarding)," has been said. I even met a girl who works at Bruanhead and says she can get me free passes. I will usually say, "Okay. Sounds good," or something but really hope they never call me. Is that healthy? Probably not, but if I am going to buy a pass (I have already decided going with that girl isn't worth it) and drive up the canyon I might as well enjoy myself as much as I can. If I can't ride Gad-2 with my buddies and mess with the out-of-staters than I would rather hit the cherry cherry pow pow alone. It makes sense. Really, it does.

I have had a few potentially good things come into my life this semester. The kind of things where I get the feeling that if I went ahead with them good things would come of it (hence the title "good things"), but this would mean change and progress etc. I sometimes think that there are other powers that be that are pushing me into these things and I resist instinctively, which is of course ridiculous, especially for a person who believes in "other powers that be" and that thinks that "they" wouldn't lead me astray. Yet, I resist and think that somehow I will be fine just the way I am if I can just hold out until the snowfall comes. I will be happier and in less need of any other good things.

"Sit down. Remind me how this is the same old story of growing up and getting lost...right now the world just seems too big."