On Turning Twenty-Three

Youth. Where did it go? Apparantly right down the drain. I'm twenty-three now. That's old, Chach. You know, I can picture some old woman in my head telling me, "You are only twenty-three. You are still in your youth." You know what old lady? Today, I'm as old as I have ever been, and my 'youth' was a long time ago.

Ever since I was wee lad I can remember saying "These days aren't coming back again." My friends and I usually would say it as an excuse to do something dumb, like picking up all the road barricades we could find and placing them in such a way as to make two cars crash into each other, and then throw water ballons at them after they got out. Or starting Corner Canyon on fire. Anyway, I can't really say that anymore and I find I am a lot more lame now. I don't have an excuse to do anything, and i don't think it is that I am growing up; I would still stick my butt out the car window if I was with a group of people that thought it would be funny. There is just no motive anymore.

Now the one constant I have in my life, besides my family, is starting to go a bit squirly-my music. Lryics like "and now the fear in me is gone," are giving way to lyrics like, "Now I'm lost," when it seems like it should be the other way around. And some of the music of my youth is beginning to slip away along with the memories that are so firmly attached. And you know what else? The last concert I went to I stood in the back and watched.

I grew up with the same four kids all my life. Now they are all married, besides one who is in the national guard. For my entire life I have been defined through my friends; to me that was how I pictured growing up. How am I supposed to do that without them? It's the only way I know how. This is where the little old lady pipes up again. "Maybe you should find a nice young lady and follow suit." She's knitting now. Nice thought Aunt Jemima, but didn't you just finish telling me I'm in my prime? I'm confused. Plus I really couldn't, even if I wanted to. If it was the next step, wouldn't growing up have to occur first? I mean, I still think mooning people is funny. That can't put me very high on the 'most eligible bachelor' scale.